Disclaimer: i am talkin only to the sistas today. If you arent one your invited to read. I am also referencing no one in praticular but if you find yourself exemplified in all or some of this blog it maybe God telling you to get it together.. i know he told me that while i was writing this...
I was sitting around today talking to myself about how much black women do not know how to act when it comes to certain things- especially the manner in which we treat each other. It is abhorrent to me at how many black women completely disregard and disrespect each other and themselves.
In my mind, I compiled a list of the things we struggle with and , at the end, have provided some remedies on how to end the struggle.
Although this list will never be exhausted, I am choosing to write about the ones that are the most pertinent.
1. Black Women struggle with the way we treat other black women
On a daily basis. I hear black women talk about each other. For example when I was at Oakwood I would here ( and yes even say) " o look at her wearing heels to school- she think shes sooo cute! I Hope that heffa trips in the cafe" or " that weave look likes trash" blah blah blah
Even here at my new school, I wore low boots to the cafe and this girl just starts rippin on me while im 3 feet away from her! REALLY? was that necessary? AND just today i was walking out of a door and a sister was walking in the door and she let it close on me.. now... that was straight coonery if i ever saw it..
but i digress
We talk about each other to doggone much. real talk.
2. Black Women struggle with the way we respond to 'man situations'.
Sisters.. gettin loud on a man is NOT a way to keep him.. making him talk to you on the phone or take you out when the game is on is not a thing to do... telling your friends to stop talking to your ex and bad mouth him is not a way to solve your issues... telling everyone who'd listen that your man cheated on you and now you have trust issues is NOT THE WAY TO HANDLE THINGS. Carrying baggage from relationship to relationship is not the business either...
Elevating your 'boyfriend' to 'husband' status only creates trouble...
Allowing your man to say anything he wants to you for fear of losing him and being single is also not the thing to do!
Having a man to flaunt at this basketball game or taunt your single friends with is not a reason to have a relationship, because when the new is through so it will be with the relationship
Putting your man in the place of THE MAN is a sin.. and we ALL have done that
Men and having a relationship is not the point of life
Sometimes being alone is the best way to figure out yourself, your spirituality, and your future.
3. Black Women struggle with their self-esteem
Yea.. you may be sitting there saying " no i dont i know im cute" but STFU.. u a lie.. if we didnt have self esteem issues we would not be 3 hrs late to church because we could not figure out what to wear... if we did not have self esteem issues we would NOT be lettin dudes, multiple mind you, hit that just because he called us beautiful one time.. if we did not have self esteem issues we would sit our tails down instead of walkin the catwalk 10-20 times during church at Madison Mission...
If we didn't have self esteem issues other sista's and their situations would find no place in our mouths becuase our minds would only be focused on ourselves
Now I know it may not be our fault that we have self-esteem issues..maybe we never had a dad to tell us we're beautiful ...maybe you were molested.. idk.. but nevertheless low self-esteem is a major issue among us and, truthfully, its a major root of our problems...
4. Black Women forget just how much power we have
We as black women hold the key. We hold to key to love, success, togetherness, spirituality, leadership, and much, much more and we are constantly forgetting that!
Look at our track record... Sonya Carson singularly raised 2 boys and one of those boys became one of the most famous male Doctors in America... Michelle Obama is balancing motherhood and being the presidents wife everyday all while wearing 3 inch heels.. and we all know Barack did not get the where he is now without the prodding and encouragement of that narc of a wife he has!
Look at your mothers.. if i took a poll of just how many of us black women were raised by single mothers the stats would be overwhelming! I do not have any unsuccessful black female friends so you can assume that your mother raised you to be the strong black woman that you are!
The only remedy i have for these "diseases" are to put aside the hatred, emotional problems, and self doubt and remember who we are and just how much power we have over situations.
Do not give society the satisfaction by keeping us pidgeon-holed in the status they have set for us.
I admonish us all to come together- for when we do that we become that unstoppable force we were meant to be.
nice :)
ReplyDeleteYour thinking is clear and brave, which is what makes good commentary worth the read...
ReplyDeleteWe face several fronts in the black race, as do all other races that co-exist in an American society that works hard to eradicate its significance. But the two greatest 'Black" fronts are 1.) How we see ourselves and 2.) How we treat each other.
Unfortunately popular culture sends the message that the black race in America is inherently weak, and socially incapable of anything except entertainment and sports... In many respects, we validate those negative images by behaving in stereotypical ways such as you've pointed out in this article.
When someone black points this out, like Bill Cosby did, their is great reproach coming from some in the black community... Truth is, there are many success stories in the black community, but there could be many more if we as a community could learn to look at ourselves an see the truth.
Truth is, we are not as together as we should and could be. Black on black homicide is at an all time high, which means that many of us lack self-esteem; many of us have difficulty responding to "man situations;" many of us treat each other wrongly; many of us have forgotten the power in numbers and togetherness...
Not all of us can become President Obama, or Oprah Winfrey but we can brighten the corner where we are.
Anyone who disagrees with your article perhaps lacks current information, and needs closer exmination of their own values.
As for you, keep writing and telling the truth, and do it without apology... Not all black people think the same nor should we agree on all fronts... But like picture taking, you framed it well. It's up to your readers to decide what it means to themselves...
Where is the like/ love button? Definately forwarding this to my friends, many great lessons to learn.
ReplyDelete