I have been through the fire these past couple of months and i can't say that i havent been burned.. charred is more like it. From the egregious school work load to the riff-raff we call men, i have been through it all. Right now, i want to discuss the most pertinent subject on my mind: the heart. The heart is a very splendid thing- it beats, hurts, swells with pride, and automatically shuts down without any warning. Over the past months my heart has experienced it all- ok maybe it hasnt stopped on its own (but i cant say that i havent wished it would). Everyday, my heart does something new that amazes me- it flutters when someone walks in the room, it beats erratically when i get angry, when i do things that make me feel great it sends a calm wave through my body that relaxes me. The heart is a very splendid thing- until it gets in the way of your conscience. You know the old adage " think with your head, not with your heart" or even this one " follow your heart".. well i can honestly say both of those have been my mantras for the past month and i cant say its been a wise decision. ive been doing and saying exactly what my heart dictates. I have been suppressing my conscience so much so that ive debilitated it permanently ( so i think). I've been following the promptings of my carnal heart and, honestly, ive reaped/ will reap what i've sown. Because of my foolish ways i have fallen for the most complicated, clandestine, coon ive encountered in my lifetime- and whats worse is that i actually LIKE him.. im drawn to him... like a moth to a flame, a swatter to a fly, poohbear to honey, etc.. its so bad that i almost dont care if i get hurt, so long as i have the opportunity to be in his presence( even though im no where close to being the only woman that gets that honor). Have i lost my mind? is my heart that corrupt that i would risk messing myself up emotionally for some man? i think it is and i think i have lost touch. I dont know when ill check back in with my brain but for now the heart reigns as ruler of all that is Alyssa.
Pray for me- this is gonna end in heartbreak....
